Now that Yogi Adityanath has opened our eyes to an entirely new dimension of Indian-ness, it would be most appropriate to replace that grisly reminder of the un-Indian emperor Shah Jahan with something totally unadulterated by foreign touch. Won’t the Indian toilets built under PM Modi’s Swachh Bharat Abhiyan make for a spectacular view in place of the Red Fort?
AAZEEN F KIRMANI | Caravan Daily
Yogi Adityanath’s new idea of Indian-ness has put us in a rather tight spot, for the un-Indianess of our ‘monumental’ existence doesn’t stop at Taj Mahal.
While Taj Mahal merely represents India on the global heritage front, it is the Red Fort in Delhi which has messed up our Indian-ness big time.
Not only does that building finds its way into our very pockets and purses along with its lesser siblings like the Shalimar garden, even the Prime Minister visits it to make speeches on occasions like the Independence Day. Things do not stop at that. Many a litre of nationalistic blood is wasted in the process of boiling and evaporating when someone photoshops the Pakistani flag on that un-Indian building and circulates the image on internet. What an un-Indian way to lose your blood!
Now that Yogi Adityanath has opened our eyes to an entirely new dimension of Indian-ness, it would be most appropriate to replace that grisly reminder of the un-Indian emperor Shah Jahan with something totally unadulterated by foreign touch. Won’t the Indian toilets built under PM Modi’s Swachh Bharat (Clean India) campaign make for a spectacular view in place of the Red Fort?
Swachhta (cleanliness) after all is the most nationalistic thing to go after these days. Wasn’t it for the sake of this swachhta that a bunch of municipal employees stooped to the level of clicking pictures of women defecating in open and when a man called Zafar Khan bravely objected to the innovative form of sexual harassment they promptly lynched him?
But before we deal with the Red Fort, let someone remind Yogi Adityanath of the un-Indian genetic credentials of his very own Vidhan Bhavan in Lucknow which had been built under the British administration and had among its chief architects a non-Indian called Sir Swinton Jacob. As the pioneer of the new definition of Indian-ness, chief minister Adityanath should shun the current building immediately and move his office into a truly Indian building.
It’s not just Adityanath’s office. There are too many offices and official residences making use of un-Indian Mughal or British buildings. They should all be pulled down to make space for activities of national interest. Though I am all for Swachh Bharat, I would not suggest that all the space emptied by pulling down un-Indian building should be used for building toilets. Considering the appalling state of our farmers and the impending food shortage that can befall us anytime, building too many toilets might prove to be a waste of space.
Lynching being the emerging sport in India, and too many amateur lynchers adorning our streets there is dire need for Lynching Academies all over the country.
The country also needs suicide training centers where farmers can be instructed on the proper method and place of ending their lives so that the sight of their twisted bodies on high voltage poles don’t mess up the utopian state that our masters are trying so hard to convince us of.
What better way to utilize the precious space currently being occupied by un-Indian buildings and monuments than to dedicate them for enhancement and promotion of activities of national interest?
That said we should start the drive of removing every element of un-Indianess from our lives at the earliest.
To begin with every true Indian should rip apart each and every Red Fort or Shalimar sporting currency note in his possession and vow never to make use of un-Indian methods of transaction like PayTM, internet banking and credit/debit cards.
Aazeen F Kirmani is a Hyderabad-based writer.