“Yea!” I nodded, “that’s me.”
“Captain said to upgrade you to business class!”
“Whoopee!” I shouted silently then looked at him with the same smug face he had earlier given me, “he must have read one of my columns!”
I walked with him climbed a few stairs and found myself in a different setting. The airhostesses were smiling and fawning over the travelers and they with stiff upper lip pretended they were used to it.
I did the same.
“Mr Lemons how are you?” said the pretty attendant.
“Clements!” I corrected her. She looked puzzled then brightened up and led me to my seat.
“What would you like to drink Mr Lemons?”
“Clements!” I said.
“He’ll have a Bloody Mary!” said my new friend and close buddy across the aisle. “Bob you want to know about my takeover? You must be big time huh? I could do with some publicity. Lets meet for dinner in London?”
“Well!” I said casually and shrugged my shoulders.
The airhostess smiled as she walked towards me, “Captain asked whether you’d like to come over to the cockpit?”
“Sure!” I said and followed her. I saw Ashok shaking his head with envy.
“Mr Lemons!” said the captain without turning around.
“Clements!” I said with a smile.
“This isn’t Lemons!” said the captain turning round with a frown and glaring at the airhostess, “I told you Lemons! Who’s this?”
I walked back to my seat, not the one I’d just been sitting in, but down, down to cattle class.
“Thirty inches!” I screamed.
“Sir! Please be quiet!” said the same man.
“How am I ever going to sit here for seven hours?” I cried.
“Sir, if you’re not quiet we’ll have you arrested for making a nuisance of yourself!”
“Hi Ashok!” I shouted as I saw him walking past at Heathrow, but he coldly looked past me.
“Name?” asked the officer at Immigration.
“Lemons!” I said.
“That’s not your name!” he said.
“Oh I wish it was!” I cried, “I’d have escaped thirty inches of sheer agony..!”